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I should start a blog with all the messages I typed to send you and never sent. PS. But that would become a rated R thing, haha.  PS2. Just noticed I never wrote about you on my private blog (here - this post came from tumblr) Marcadores: blog, GoTN, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 11:08 PM - 9 de jul. de 2018 0 comments ---------- Amor leva a esperança e negação   dito por C. - 12:27 AM - 25 de mai. de 2017 0 comments ---------- Unreal life dreams Why can't we all have the fairy tales we believe in life? Marcadores: blog, fsog, life, love life, personal, random dito por C. - 2:43 AM - 20 de mar. de 2017 0 comments ---------- It's been a long time since the last time I had no hopes about my life.  It makes me sad because today was a day that I really felt that things changed and will surely change in the future. A day that I talked about everything that changed and my insights on how everything worked out.  Right now I just know anything can change at any moment, and I might never get the things I once dreamed and thought I would.  2:45am (a draft left here from probably 7, 8 months ago) Marcadores: blog, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 2:29 AM - 20 de jul. de 2016 0 comments ---------- I can't wait to wake up with you for the rest of my life. Marcadores: blog, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 3:22 AM - 23 de dez. de 2015 0 comments ---------- I just love to hear you sleeping... Marcadores: blog, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 3:47 AM - 10 de dez. de 2015 0 comments ---------- And it all falls again So I had my first 15 day vacation period. I didn't have many plans besides going to Europe. Nini darling invited me to stay at her place, and I did. She's the best person ever and I had the best days ever.  Then I headed to Stockholm and what happened next is something I never expected to happen. I met a guy, let's call him Nordic God; I've seen him online for months, back in May, and thought he was THE guy. From time to time I saw his profile and used to check it. A few weeks ago I did it again because he changed his picture, a notification came and I didn't recognized him. My friend's read his profile and we talked about it. Then one of these friends asked me to show the profile to another friend, I did and my friend didn't get some of his jokes. Ok.   When I got in London my friend said I should message him, my answer? "Obviously no, he's way out of my league", she insisted, I denied. Before embark to Stockholm I decided to write and pressed send. He wrote back! Then invited me over and the rest is history. This guy is seriously the most handsome guy and probably one of the most intelligent I've ever met.  One of the reasons that I'd never take off, for many many many reasons. He's super sweet but also super, hm, let'd call it non monogamous and that could never work with me, being very territorial and all, besides I'm still pretty sure I'm not his type.  Came home. Downers came too. Everybody said I should be okay since my other 15 days are coming soon, but it isn't just the vacations, it's the life I want to have and that never comes, no matter how hard I work and try, so I decided to give up on this idea - because I pretend I don't care, that I'm okay with things the way they are - there is no future, no relationship, no space for the dream life for me. Today it was the thoughest day, I felt very discouraged and sad about everything. It started with a crazy dream I had this night and messed me up; and it's going to be written in Portuguese because I'm not in the mood to translate it: "Eu tive um sonho tão escroto e acordei mal pra caralho. Era tipo um clipe da música de Home do Edward Sharpe. Aí eu tava num lugar, que parecia uma loja numa estação de trem cozinhando, aí chegava minha mãe e a gente começava a procurar louça pra uma segunda pessoa. Aí aparecia o Jorge Narvaez, que foi o motivo de eu conhecer a música (ele fez um cover). Aí eu virava a mulher dele com quem ele voltou e tava começando o casamento deles, e apesar de eu estar vendo tudo pelos olhos dela, eu não era ela. Ela tava chorando e eu acordei mal. Olha as ideia." So people might not believe in astrology but the subway horoscope for my sign couldn't be more accurate than it was today. I can't find it but it said something like that: the situation at work could be difficult. You might feel discouraged but but an opportunity might come. With the support of loved ones. You should take the ideas you have and work on it." Marcadores: blog, dreams, life, love life, personal, venting dito por C. - 11:08 PM - 7 de jul. de 2015 0 comments ---------- I wonder if I ever gonna love someone again.  Marcadores: blog, life, love life, personal, venting dito por C. - 10:39 PM - 0 comments ---------- The Austin dream Então que as coisas aconteceram e eu nem tive tempo de escrever aqui. Foram 3 meses delícia (menos as duas últimas semanas deles) 🎶 playing: Kings of Leon ~ Back Down South Marcadores: JEA, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 5:11 PM - 15 de abr. de 2015 0 comments ---------- more and more dreams I dreamt that I was sleeping over Luke Wessman's house and Courtney was there. And we talked and I loved her.  I couldn't take the shower to work, even when there were multiple showers there.  I also dreamt that I was in downtown Guarulhos and my father was there with 3 (or 2) other boys, supposedly his sons, and I just ran by because I was looking for something.  I don't remember all the other dreams. Marcadores: blog, dreams, life, personal dito por C. - 1:49 PM - 4 de fev. de 2015 0 comments ---------- Nas cartas de Tarot Na pergunta sobre futuro e sonhos: O TRÊS DE PAUS Descrição Aqui o naipe do dinamismo se encontra com o número da "perfeição" gerando o arcano da realização, extremamente favorável ao "aperfeiçoamento pessoal". A carta em pé Você será favorecido sempre que investir nos estudos e nas empreitadas que visem ao aperfeiçoamento intelectual. A ousadia de seus atos e ideias poderá ser bastante útil nos negócios. Possibilidade de viagem ou boas notícias iminentes. A pergunta se mr JB é a pessoa certa: A RAINHA DE PAUS Descrição Equivale em virtudes ao Rei, só que na figura feminina. O seu encontro com Paus promove uma combinação de doçura, senso materno e dinamismo. A carta invertida A sua vida amorosa navega em águas instáveis, e você pode ter que enfrentar rivais, ciúmes ou mesmo uma traição. A mulher carinhosa e protetora, uma vez invertida esta carta, pode transformar-se em alguém frágil e dependente ou, em caso de combinação com outros arcanos negativos, em uma inimiga poderosa.  algo sobre se eu vou achar o amor da minha vida, por motivos de #JADEVIDALOKA O VALETE DE ESPADAS Descrição Este é um arcano mais voltado à vigilância do que à luta e, por isso mesmo, muito generoso. Simboliza a ausência de disputas e de adversidades verdadeiras. Os rivais anunciados pela carta tampouco são tão ferozes ou destrutivos. A carta invertida O arcano alerta para momento de impotência diante do destino. Surpresas para as quais você não está preparado. Pode tratar-se de uma mudança de emprego, casa ou par amoroso. Problemas de saúde ou ainda a morte de um ente querido. Marcadores: 2014, blog, personal, tarot dito por C. - 4:49 AM - 28 de dez. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Circles sound To hear that sound makes me remember you, and my body still reacts to it, my hearts skips a beat.  I wish you were real and decent, now we don't event talk anymore. And I don't think that much about you, or us, but this little sound moves me.  Marcadores: blog, GTL, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 6:19 PM - 9 de ago. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Fifty Shades, eHarmony and Drive So today the official trailer for the Fifty Shades of Grey finally came out and it is absurdly much better than I thought it would be.  After Fezitcha asked me about a detail on Anastasia's dress that we saw on the video I started reading and fuck, it's the emotional breakdown from GTL (LA/Aquarius boy) I didn't have.  All those feelings floating here, all the lack of trust, all lack of care, where you don't have someone that would be there for you. When you finally find someone who totally gets you and get all your kinks and you don't want them to leave. I can't explain very well the feeling, but I love the way he takes care of her, looks after her and how he surrenders to her. I'm pretty submissive inside so it all makes pretty good sense to me.  And I joined eHarmony this week, after Priscila Tieta convincide me to do it, now there's a bunch of guys talking to me and I just don't know. I tend to shut down, because I don't trust people and I don't play with relationships, but I also want to find someone. My life is so fucked up.  So I'm here crying over Ana and Grey's story and Drive is on TV right now, so there's LA on TV. This is irony, my friends.  Marcadores: blog, books, GTL, life, love life, personal, venting dito por C. - 3:18 AM - 25 de jul. de 2014 0 comments ---------- crazy dreams Sonhei que perdia a hora pra festa da Natalia hoje, aí ia mesmo assim e varias pessoas de outros lugares iam. Inclusive um cara de SFO, o The Tens, ele mora lá, mas no sonho tava aqui, ele ia com a namorada e ia encontrar uns amigos. Ok. Chegava lá, eu cumprimentava a namorada, ela encarnava que eu gostava dele, mas não gosto. E um dos amigos era super gracinha e o outro nem tanto, o amigo ok me agarrou, beijou do nada, nos agarramos e ele me pôs em cima do ombro. Nós começamos a namorar. E depois tinha uma menina que pegava fogo em todos os lugares que tinham cabelo no corpo. Primeiro saiu refrigerante por todos os buracos do corpo e depois ela entrou em auto combustão.  Marcadores: blog, dreams, personal dito por C. - 7:24 PM - 18 de jul. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Week 06 july 2014 - 13 july 2014 This week started on my weekend off. Which was spent at home since I spent my life on my last quick trip to Miami on Mother's day. And I couldn't see The Front Bottoms playing in Toronto.  After going out to dinner with my friends at Outback, I spent the whole Sunday here doing nothing and sleeping.  - Monday started with huge lines at work. But I didn't real upset me. - Tuesday was the day I was expecting since last week, the day Germany played against Brasil on 2014 World Cup, and my boys won, amazingly, 7 x 1! After that all was good! - Wednesday and Holand played against Argentina, and lost. Which made me really upset. I watched it with my friends there. After a day full of lines, it was a local holiday and some overtime thanks to a customer from India and a crazy call. On that same day I received a message from the Aquarius boy - who haven't talked to me in 14 days after a crazy breakout I had on my PMS after being played again - talking about Brasil's match, I don't even see the point of doing it, because I was cheering for Germany since the beginning and he knew that. Then he sent the most unexpected message: "I love you baby!" And I freaked out, totally, because WTF! Later I answered it with a "wait... What?" And nothing was said after that, I'm so pissed but can you expect something good from this guy, I guess I can't but now I wanna say it to him. Prick. Whatever. Met the bagaceiras after work, Fe, Rani, My plus Danilo. We went to Koni, it was great but it all made my headache gets worse. Destiny's Child "Say My Name" played on random.  - Thursday I had to wake up early to go to the orthopedist, nothing related to my pain was done and ok. Got really early to work and stay hanging around there, talked a lot to Zequiña and he introduced me to Relay. We came across Ashton Kutcher's record. Relay during the whole day. Then I met Fe and Rani, they made a friend at Haddock's Starbucks and then we had dinner at Bella Paulista, which was full of vendidos. I spent the whole night talking to Zequiña on really, a high breeze, hippie, signs contradiction and all, until 6am.  - Friday was spent at bed, on Tumblr, answering messages (to ifacefuckbukowski and Julie) and playing, doing nails late at night, which I shouldn't be doing.  - Saturday I woke up, washed my hair for the first time after doing the Brazilian Blowout (!!! - hahahah) and blow drying. i went to the doctor and a conjunctivitis was detected. Met Fe, Cla, Paula and Danilo to watch Holand vs Brasil match. Talking to Guto, who I don't know if I ever talked about here and he's kind of nice, I have no idea what's gonna happen. Since we talk since November and nothing ever happened, I'm not sure if it will or not. We would watch the match tomorrow and after asking me to do it together, he said he couldn't do it... PS. I forgot Julie (a girl from Tumblr) also said "I Love you". That's why I decided to write, it was the week people decided to say they love me.  That was pretty much everything about this week and it feels like three weeks! Soundtrack: all my Elliott Smith's songs.  Marcadores: dear diary, GTL, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 2:51 AM - 13 de jul. de 2014 0 comments ---------- About dreams and all It's crazy when you have a dream and this idealize it for years, you know exactly how it should be because you pictured it in your head and suddenly it falls down, because it would never happen.  And now I don't even know how to feel.  Marcadores: life, personal, real dreams, tattoo, vent dito por C. - 12:19 AM - 3 de jun. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Aquarius boy pt. 2 So after my quick mother's day trip to Miami, and my friend asking me to see something, I found out that he had a baby recently and he didn't told me. I felt betrayed again and wrote the longest message ever about it all.  It was tough on me, on him, then he called, we talked and all is okay now. But I feel like crap now. And he's still tries to cheer me up, it's a fucking pain not to know what's the purpose of it all, of he enter in my life, you know? Why? Oh, and I confessed I like him.  So here we are, totally dip in shit! Marcadores: GTL, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 9:43 PM - 16 de mai. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Another dream Pai, mãe e Bruna. Carona. Comprar ovos na frente da casa do seromano. Mãe vai dar oi, ele vem dar oi.  Tomando remédio, gastro, ficar rico.  Brinco com o Bob. Virou um bode, branco e preto com as pata azuis.  Antes sonhei estar em casa, porteiro deixa um pacote do correio lá. Tento entregar, ligo, o síndico hesita, não retira, discuto e saio.  PS. Você escreve enquanto dorme na esperança de entender depois, mas isso não serve de nada! Hahaha Marcadores: dreams, personal dito por C. - 7:14 AM - 19 de abr. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Inside the cafe They were there, seated and talking with each other. The world didn't exist when they're together.  She was dying to touch him, but decided not to. They kept talking for a long time. After a while, he held her hand and she let it, then he put his other hand on her hand and held it, she gave in. So their four hands were tangled on the middle of the table. And they talk for hours like that.  She really want to touch his face and feel it, she didn't want to seem weak. Later he started touching her face, her cheek... so she touched his. To feel his touch made her melt, weak, the power he has over her and he knows the effects it has, how strong it is.  They kept talking and laughing. After some time, he started putting his hands under her the cardigan sleeve and she asks what he's doing, if he's trying to reach her shoulders through the sleeve, he laughs and says no, but if he were it would be much easier to try from the top, and points to her cleavage, that is more open, he says. She blushes and changes the subject. He then asks what the pendant on her neckless meaning, she answers; he's asking that with the pendant in hands, touching it. When she finished answering the question, he puts it back inside her cleavage. She just sighs.  It's a long time talking, nothing different than what they've been doing lately and that's amazing. He starts playing with her hair, there is one loose lock and he plays with it for a long while, out of nowhere he grabs her hair from behind and pulls it, and he just know how to pull her hair properly! She melts there, she can't focus anymore, she's sweating! She makes him stop and puts her hands on the table, trying to focus, put herself together. It takes a few minutes to get back to her regular self. So he keeps doing it, when he pulls her hair, he just know he owns her, he knew at the very first time. She thinks she could come just with that one action! He starts tracing her top with the tip of his index finger, she is dying, she could take him there, in public, she lost control already, he's controlling her. When there's no one looking, he grabs her nipple and first rubs it, then pinches it, hard... she doesn't feel any pain, just pleasure spreading through her body, the naughty grin on his face shows he's enjoying it. He does it repeatedly, driving her crazy. When people come in, he stops or she stops him. It's not the idea of being caught that turns her on, because she just know it won't happen, but being under his control, he can do whatever he wants and he knows it. Being dominated.  Then she wakes up, it was just a fantasy and they are just talking inside that cafe.  Marcadores: blog, GTL, naughty story, personal, story dito por C. - 3:54 PM - 18 de abr. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Aquarius boy Long time no see, huh? Last post was in January? So, let's start from the beginning. Back in November when I was still really involved and "going out" with the Swedish guy from NY. Before going there to spend his birthday with him, throwing up due an anxiety attack and going to a club for nothing; I received a message on Tumblr, my reaction was to roll my eyes up, because that's me and that's what I do, but sometimes I try to behave like mom told to and be polite, so I did it, answered  this guy message and it all started.  He is Aquarius like me, from Los Angeles and 11 years older than me. I replied and he sent another message, we started messaging until we move to e-mail because the messages were so long that it was necessary to send it in two parts. That happened a few days before going to New York. That trip was crazy, the hotel we book was a shitty trap, we moved hotels, the Swedish guy is a prick and I was over him before the date ended. Then I started talking to the Aquarius boy every day, he went to New York too after a few days and we talked everyday, it was about 60 e-mails exchanged within 15 days or so.  We talked in English and he tried to write things in Portuguese which was cute and funny, because Google Translate messes things up. And we are really alike, similar to each other, we think, act, react and like the same things and it is funny and crazy at the same time. One day he decided to call me, and he did, and we spent 6 hours talking on the phone.  The e-mails had LONG detailed messages and we talked days and nights.  Then we moved to text messages and we talked during the day, the whole day, the LONG messages migrated and we talked about everything. He was SO sweet, the sweetest ever. And he totally gets me, in every way, my mind, my soul, sexuality and all, it's crazy when you don't have to explain why you do certain things, why you think the way you think or anything like that, the other just knows! He did all the stuff. Do you know who send the first New Year's message? He did. 00h01. Right on time. And things were moving. Me, trying to keep the expectations on the lowest level ever and he doing and saying sweet things, the sweetest ever and making me fail on my purposes. January came and so The Front Bottoms concert. And people, you gonna say, you planned it, but I didn't! You know when the planets align, they did, man and I swear (I don't even believe in swearings) it was the greatest coincidence ever. I have only one weekend off per month, I wanted to go New York back in December to see the boys playing but due the horrendous snow storms on the East Coast and the sold-out tickets I couldn't make it. I got my Friday day off back and the next day off would be January. They were playing on my day off in a place I could go with only one flight and that place could be anywhere else in the world, but you know where it was? Yes, the same city the guy you've been talking to lives! All the time since the beginning I kept thinking "where is the catch?", because that's what you do when you have trust issues... Is this a catfish, or the person exists but is not him on the pictures, why is he so perfect, is this guy married, what's wrong? Came to no conclusions. On the day I was flying out of home I found out what it was and it broke me. So I went to LA, because no one gets between The Front Bottoms and me. I cried the whole night, couldn't sleep, but I slept, I cried watching Blue Jasmine and it was the longest 12 hour flight I have been.  I got there and answered with the biggest and toughest message ever. He replied. I was tough and then was guilty because that's not how I act. And he messaged me, saying he could try to leave work and we could meet to have a coffee or something. I hesitated, he insisted, I gave in, he came. We spent one hour ever the phone discussing life and Astrology, how people act in Brazil, Israel and United States, when doing things or buying stuff.  He hang up. I bought what I needed on Sephora and sat to wait for him talking to Cla and Fe. He called and he was looking for me but he couldn't see me. - where are you? - I'm seated in front of Sephora - in front of it where? - right in front, on a bench - on a bench? - yes, on a bench.   - oh, I think I saw you.  He didn't see me, but I looked back before and saw him. And said to my friends "he is taller. he is handsome. MAN!". He found me, we huged for a few minutes and tried to find a place to seat and talk. The starbucks near the Kodak Theater was so busy and the only place to seat was on the sidewalk with loud music playing by your side. We found a place call "Coffee Bag, Tea Leaf" or something like that.   - we can go there, but you don't drink coffee - *he remembers, I thought*, yes, but you see, there's tea leaf on the name, I drink tea, we can go there.  And we went. Acts like a gentleman, I must say. We sat and drank our teas and talked, for 3 hours. I talked about the previous night, how bad it was, how much I cried... We talked about work, airplanes, our backgrounds, army, immigration, jobs, my trips, funny facts. How it was all starting and we were seeing each other for the first time, we should take it slow and see where life would take us. And after a long time, he touched my hand and held it, then the four hands we tangled over the table. He was pretty bold and he knows me well, he knows what buttons to push and he did it. I was supposed to meet some friends of Fe who live in LA, they couldn't meet me, I was too tired to go to a club and they had dinner, so I didn't planned what happened later either and it never came to my mind.  While we were there the world decided to reach me, Fe and Cla, Gabis and my cousin, Marianna. Who started asking things and when I briefly answered said I was monossylabic, I sent her a voice message telling her I was with him and we would talk to each other later, she asked if he was a good kisser, I laughed LOUD and he asked me why, I can't hide anything, so I told him, we laughed about it together. Then my host asked if he was hot, I confirmed, showed it to him, we laughed again.  He needed to leave, so did I and since I wasn't meeting Fe's friends, I was going home. He offered me a ride, I accepted. We left the cafe holding hands and while waiting to cross the street, he huged me and I felt so nice and safe. We kept our hands together and he tried to pay the parking and get the card on his wallet without letting me go, he couldn't. Then just let it go again when seated on the car after opening my door, but once he got in the car he held my hand again and didn't let it go until I got home. I don't even know how it happened, but we said goodbye and all, I was leaving the car and then we kissed. I shouldn't but I did it; we kissed, a whole lot and we made out, kissing like he would escape or I like we would never see each other again, and deep down I don't think we will. We stayed there for almost two hours, inside the car, even when the whole neighborhood decided to take a walk near the car that night. And he left and I was a mess! After five minutes my phone rang, nobody calls me here, neither there, but my phone rang like crazy that weekend. It was him, I almost left my phone on the car floor but saw before leaving it and I thought he would vanish like everybody else and I would never, ever hear from him again. So I got the call.  - hi, is everything okay? - yes And he started talking and we talked, I showered while we talked. One more hour, until he got home. Then my host arrived, I hang up and then we texted, until 1am. And he said the sweetest things EVER, things about me, how we connected, I can't even remember and I hate it. Between the first call and thr last message it was a total of 8 hours talking. The saturday was nice, my host took me to the Universal City Overlook, The Grove and the Elliott's memorial and then I went to the concert. It was great, I met Brian (but this is gonna be another post). Went to a club and to eat with my host and his friend. Then went home and packed to leave on the next morning. I lost all the messages because iPhone sucks. I left LA on the sunday morning.  I got home and he talked to me. On my way to work, he called me and we talked. Then we texted during the whole day and at night he called me and spent some hours doing that. And the calls, texting and all is still happening. We are still connected.  The problem is that I want more, is that I feel jealous and I don't know how to not expect something. I try, I've been trying to live and take one step at time, but it's though. It all hurts me, but also makes me feel good too. I like him way more than I should, I am not in love, (yes, I'm sure, I know how I feel when I'm in love) and I don't really love him, with all my heart, but I may be just one step from that. I don't want to find another friend, but I just don't know if I'll ever be able to find someone who truly understands me.  He's really busy these days at work, on weekends we don't talk much and after every weekend the jealous beast in me is unleashed. I don't know until when he's gonna be able to handle me or until when I'll be able to take it all. I don't know how to be super sweet and treat you like a boyfriend without getting involved or to not feel like I'm being cold. And I don't want anyone else, I want him and to touch and kiss him, I don't want any other guy near my body and it feels awful because I can't seat and wait for him forever, we live in different countries and he doesn't have any plans to commit to me.  I'm really depressed right now because it all makes me think about my life and how it is all wrong and all. I've been crying my life out. I just watched "Almost Famous" and Penny Lane said something I'm gonna try.  Penny Lane: I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.  That is it.  Marcadores: GTL, JTN, life, love life, personal, personal life, tumblr, vent dito por C. - 1:37 AM - 12 de abr. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Giving up? Today I'm wearing my big girl pants on and behaving like one should. I'm not pouting or demanding, and I'll be okay without him. It may hurt, but I'm gonna survive. I did before and I'll again.  Marcadores: GTL, life, love life, personal dito por C. - 1:29 AM - 0 comments ---------- 2014 So New Year it is.  The day change into the New Year is really something that happens around here, the new bidding is on, new shift with new habits (since now I can sleep a little bit more and stop being this zombie thing I'm being for the past three months). I decided that I can't stand that job anymore, that I need to leave, doesn't matter where to.  Wishing I could travel as much as I can and on the other hand I shouldn't travel to save some money to leave.  Last year plan was to go again to New York to watch The Front Bottoms Christmas concert, but due the snow storms I gave up the idea. Went to Rio instead to visit my family since I didn't see them since my grandma's funeral two years ago. Now I'm planning to go to LA to see these two sweetest boys ever playing and to see the sweet guy I've been talking for almost two months. :))) Been addicted to Tumblr like I never did before. And this year is gonna be Morena's (the alter ego) year. The hair is new, still needs a hair cut and I'm missing my tanned skin. All I can say the "maneater" is already among us breaking some hearts, haha. BFF can confirm.  Been talking a lot about leaving, and talking to one cool guy who seems to know or be friends with the human being from the past and um trying not to transfer bad thoughts, feelings and treatments to him, but it's being hard to me.  So, if 2013 was legendary, I don't know what to expect and to call this year. Because it's already crazy enough and it's only the first week! Marcadores: 2014, GTL, life, love life, Morena, personal, personal life, vent dito por C. - 10:30 PM - 5 de jan. de 2014 0 comments ---------- Dreams So I was just having this dream, I was at Ivana's house - or some foreign actress, I guess, and when we were about to leave I saw so police cars outside. No problem until that time except for, that in the dream only, I had joint inside my purse.  Got ride of it, but my hand after touching it was the problem. I washed it, waited for our and the police had already left.  Then Los Hermanos or just Amarante was there, out of nowhere to play with his band a song for me and there were another band, with a bearded man too, they talked to me.  I woke up.  Marcadores: blog, dream, life, personal dito por C. - 7:37 AM - 17 de dez. de 2013 0 comments ---------- And let the love live Me and my friend Fernando are always talking about love, how much it is wanted and how to manage a life without it. How Sex And The City plays a big part in the path setter role in our lives, how we relate to the girls and the way they love, and their love for New York City.  After a ton of falls it is really difficult to keep believing in any kind of love and true love feels like a utopia.  My exercise is to keep in mind that we are dealing with humans and not flawless machines. I'm saying this because I'll talk about someone that apparently found true love and seeing this person doing some stuff, and my conservative mind (the one that lives down in the bottom of my soul, that barely exists) judged him and I wouldn't act different than he did. The thing is we never know what happens inside a relationship, it's about the two people and nobody should ever try to interfere.  My friend is getting married tomorrow, I just saw his vows, talking about fairy tales, how things may not be easy, but they gonna fight together. And that's the truth.  I changed my soundtrack on the iPhone so it could fit better. Chose that song, that one I thought I would walk the aisle while played by string quartet, in that far far far time when I truly believed in love, before the deception takes over. Love Will Come Through with Fran's sweet voice.  Then I started to listen to that acoustic concert in a radio station by The Cardigans and again, they have the sweetest and most beautiful love songs ever, maybe I believe that because they're my songs. :) "oh, blue, blue, black and blue red blood sticks like glue true love is cruel love red blood's a power fuel sweet love tasted blood my heart overfloods man, you hit me! yeah you hit me really hard baby, you hit me! yeah you punched me right in the heart and then you kissed me..." "I’m an angel bored like hell And you’re a devil meaning well You steal my lines and you strike me down Come raise your flag upon me And if you want me, I’m your country If you win me I’m forever, oh yeah" Marcadores: blog, life, love, love songs, lyrics, other people, personal, personal life, the cardigans, tv series, vent dito por C. - 1:01 PM - 10 de dez. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Dreams "I have this dream that I am hitting my dad with a baseball bat..." Because you must use the little jokes whenever is possible.  Last time I had this crazy dream. Something about being in somebody's home. Maybe something with a pool. It was pretty rad and cool, and now I don't remember anything anymore.  My mom was in the dream, there was some sunny and beautiful place in it.  Marcadores: blog, dreams, life, personal dito por C. - 9:56 PM - 8 de dez. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Book Marcadores: personal, tumblr, wish dito por C. - 4:26 AM - 6 de dez. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Still talking about life Since we - and by we, I mean myself - still talking about life and thinking over and over again about what happened.   Sueco took a picture of us at the diner table and didn't send it to me until now, I'm so pissed about that. I wanted those pictures, the portrait of a shitty night.  Lontra wins in the cuteness and quirkiness. But is missing and when people go missing I tend to get suspicious and be less and less interested.  I saw SFO's sister's doppelgänger in my flight back home. They even share the same name, it was absurd! Well, I send him a message saying I met this woman in a flight and his answer made me want to punch him. And now I know it wouldn't never work out.  Just figure I don't know how to act when people are interested in me. Trying to keep the expectations as low as possible, because I know how hard it could get later on.  Nelson Mandela passed away today, sad. Where's my The Front Bottoms concert to make it go away?  Marcadores: JLTN, JTN, life, MRS, personal, personal life, vent dito por C. - 3:02 AM - 0 comments ---------- And life is now... Went to NYC last weekend, took Fe with me this time and it was good, without a good friend my non-noticed PMS would surely break me down.  It was the Sueco's birthday and in the end nothing expected happened. Let's say this chapter is now finished, I'm over it and I feel so good.  The era of no answered/taking weeks to get a reply message is over, like every single friend said, I deserve better things in life. Mr. J was out of town and I felt so bad about it. I wished so bad he was there and we could hang out.  Back at work, no seat map era came back, hopefully forever. Day 1 is coming. They gave us a panetonne for the first time. And those fucking bitches keep bitching.  I wish I could meet him up and go to a Front Bottoms concert, it would finish this year perfectly.  Marcadores: JLTN, JTN, life, personal, personal life, vent dito por C. - 3:03 AM - 5 de dez. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Talking I just miss talking to you for hours. You're travelling now and we barely talk.  I envy LA because it has you there.  :* Marcadores: JLTN, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 3:55 AM - 4 de dez. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Feeling good! Couldn't fit better! <center><iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/HZGq8JO1fY8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center> Marcadores: blog, tv series, video dito por C. - 3:16 AM - 26 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- You I just wanted to be held, held so tight and cry this day away.  The things that are the same, still the same. Talking to this nice guy and he is the kind I wanna keep, and I won't meet him any time soon. I just don't know... haven't talked to someone so nice in a long time. Long time.  He knows about the blog, he found it and he didn't read it because I didn't want and told not to do it. It's just so damn cute. And I don't want to scare him away. At the same time I don't know if he's just kidding me.  I just don't know.  Marcadores: JLTN, personal, vent dito por C. - 2:55 AM - 0 comments ---------- The New Era Today we had the meeting with the new boss. He picked each one of us to meet him there. Alessandra, Douglas, Renatha, William, Vinicius and me.  I was anxious about it. Had to run for my life to get there on time. Made my make up in 10 minutes.  We talked about every single problem, the way they treat us, punishments, holidays and days off, the two types of work shifts we have there, the changes, use of cellphone, dress code... and the list goes. It was scheduled to last one hour, it lasted 3h40 total.  It felt like a breath of fresh air! I really have hope that now things will change and he will fight for us like no one else did.  Marcadores: job, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 2:46 AM - 0 comments ---------- Past And the previous life I had, it's so in the past, sometimes I can't even remember.  The old me, the old life. I am so different from that.  The old me who was too embarassed to wear red lipstick, you're dead now.  I like the new me way better.  Marcadores: blog, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 1:08 AM - 23 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- new people and now someone, after years, found out this blog. some people knew it existed but never found it. it just scares the shit out of me because this is not a blog, this is a diary and people are inside of my head, my life, knowing my deepest thoughts. yes, you know the feeling. when you're so fucked up and you don't want to scare a good person away. and that's my life. crazy thoughts, crazier dreams, the fear of losing people and the internet. Marcadores: blog, personality, random, vent dito por C. - 3:18 AM - 22 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- I am officially addicted to this album, and this band, and those songs, it's orgasmic. Marcadores: 2013, blog, videos dito por C. - 2:43 AM - 0 comments ---------- this week I finally finished reading "The Fault in Our Stars" and it is heartbreaking, lovely, sad and all. I just needed to hug the book for a long while, crying, because I didn't want it to end. </3 This week I also dreamed about my vacations, how I didn't get the dates I wanted (and now we know it's true.) and I was planning to go to Iceland or another freezing far away place.  Last night I dreamed about a little girl corpse I threw into the trash can, but it was small as a insect, not a real body. Threw tons of my mom's things too. I just noticed the house we were in looks like the human being from the past's house and Rita Ora's "R.I.P." was playing in my head in the dream and I woke up singing the song.  A week in sassy pictures, pranks and guilty, eating out, 11:11 wishes changed and hoping for the best.  Marcadores: dreams, life, personal dito por C. - 11:14 AM - 20 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Dream but not a dream Eis que essa semana todos os fantasmas do passado reapareceram.  Denver, que tava sumido ja quase um mês. Sueco, quase 15 dias.  Quem ficou putíssima da vida? Euzinha.  Daí que o Sueco é a pessoa mais cara de pau, e gato, do universo e ele mandou uma foto, que me tirou do eixo e me fez sonhar com ele. Aqueles sonhos que parece que vem porque você ta pensando muito na coisa e não parece que você dormiu.  Eu tava lá, ele tinha um carro ao invés da bicicleta, daqueles Chevy Impala ou coisa que o valha. Tinha um cachorro também. Íamos pra casa dele, tinha a cama de casal e mais beliches e camas de solteiro. Transamos. E depois fomos pra beliche, cama de cima. (!!!) Saíamos de lá, depois tinha algo com alguma bebida no caminho, tinha um estacionamento que me lembrava o CCPD. Sei que no sonho ele mandava bem.  Depois tinha um lugar que parecia locação de série habituada no norte do Brasil da Globo. Eu ficava tentando tirar uma foto, conversava com o povo.  Acordei 3 vezes, voltei a sonhar com o sueco em todas.  Marcadores: blog, dreams, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 5:15 AM - 15 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Heart, dazed and confused A confusão que se instalou na minha vida, não existe maior e nem saída pra ela. Não sei pra onde isso vai, se é que vai.  E quem deveria ter ou não prioridade. Porque não se sabe pra onde ir, quando ir, o que fazer.  Confusão! A, J, J.  Marcadores: life, love life, personal dito por C. - 2:37 AM - 12 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Downers - The Original Soundtrack Tudo vai continuar bem na minha vida até o dia que minha mãe perceber que Elliott Smith é o que eu ouço na downers.  Marcadores: Elliott Smith, life, personal, soundtrack dito por C. - 12:29 AM - 10 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Whatsapp Could I brag because he downloaded whatsapp just because of me? I'm silly! Marcadores: life, personal dito por C. - 2:07 AM - 9 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- All sorts of weird stuff Sonhei com algo com a Loulou, onde ela fugia de alguém e eu observava de um lugar alto. No fim ela fugia do namorado, com medo de ser morta (?!).  Sonhei que ia na casa da Miss James bleubird, mas era super colorida e bonita. Só o Sailor tava lá e a gente ficava conversando e andando pela casa. Aí ela chegava e acho que a Birdie. E a Marianna tinha uma cama lá. Era uma casa amarela e tinha um gramado bonito, o sol estava se pondo e iluminava a casa.  O dessa noite não me lembro mais.  Ah, lembrei! Eu saía pra Paulista, encontrava a Ilana e íamos pra Augusta. Mas ninguém ia com a gente. Sei que chegávamos no apartamento de alguém, amigo da Robs e tava tendo uma festa. Quando já era umas 4am, nós íamos embora e o seromano do passado mandava mensagem, dizendo que sabia que eu tava na rua. Antes de responder, acordei.  Marcadores: dreams, life, personal dito por C. - 2:06 AM - 0 comments ---------- Baseball cards No sonho de hoje eu aprendia a jogar carta e no fim era uma alusão ao jogo de baseball. Era meio bizarro. Porque sei que era cartas e acordei pensando que tinha aprendido a jogar, mas era baseball.  Sueco tava envolvido, não lembro como.  Marcadores: dreams, personal dito por C. - 12:13 PM - 2 de nov. de 2013 0 comments ---------- 3 Now I can really say: I'm officially bisexual.  Marcadores: life, love life, personal, vent dito por C. - 7:13 AM - 25 de out. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Dreams I'm trying to document my dreams, because I'm dreaming a bunch of crazy things, probably because my head is spinning recently.  Today's dream had a pool, in a summer day, I was looking for a skin treatment article by "some Korean" guy from Lost in a magazine. First tried to check three iPads, like the content would change, but there's water on the side of the pool. Then someone was by my side and I told them the article was not by Locke but from the other guy. We found the magazine and I woke up. Then I dreamed that I was in a house, I was with some people walking up a street, some of my mom's stuff like gloves on the floor but I didn't picked it up and when I was up there in hill, ran back to pick it up. Then I missed a bus and got a taxi, with two strange guys, one of them was the driver. The place I was going seemed like Penha, close to Fezitcha's house. One of them tried to rape, or both tried.  Oh, there was a part of this dream I was with Nati and a baseball bat, some guys chasing us.  Marcadores: blog, dreams, personal dito por C. - 7:11 AM - 0 comments ---------- 2013, like I said in January 1st, you're being legendary.   Marcadores: 2013, blog, life, personal dito por C. - 1:33 AM - 21 de out. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Sex and The City - Real Life Note to self: stop being Charlotte and go back being Miranda.  Thanks. Bye.  Marcadores: blog, personal, personality, tv series, vent dito por C. - 10:59 AM - 12 de out. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Querer é poder? Ou if there's a will, there's a way no inglês. Tinha que ser logo essa a versão da frase em inglês?! A versão em português não me afeta mas a inglês, ainda por estar em uma das músicas da The Front Bottoms faz tudo piorar.  Questão que querer não é poder, nunca foi e não será. Pelo simples fato que nem tudo o que queremos, podemos de fato fazer, questão aqui nem é o querer e sim o não poder.  Same old shit, ficar ou não ficar, aproveitar ou não a oportunidade, mas sem saber o que se passa na cabeça da pessoa e quais serão as consequências disso (provavelmente as piores, porque nada de bom acontece na minha vida mesmo). O Sueco mais fofo e amor da vida, é só isso que eu tenho pra dizer, amorrr e inteligente!!!! O que vai acontecer a partir dessa decisão, só Deus sabe.  Marcadores: JTN, life, love life, personal, relationships, The Front Bottoms, vent dito por C. - 4:37 AM - 6 de out. de 2013 0 comments ---------- nothing, anyone, anything, any band, makes me feel the way they do. silly but true :S Marcadores: beyond, life, music, The Front Bottoms dito por C. - 4:37 PM - 20 de set. de 2013 0 comments ---------- Fat Love Não consigo pensar que uma pessoa que namora outra que está muito acima do peso goste realmente dessa pessoa. Principalmente porque ninguém quer ficar com alguém gordo, nem mesmo pessoas gordas.  Então, pra mim, a pessoa incentiva que a pessoa continue acima do peso pra que nenhuma pessoa olhe pra ela, que não haja interesse alheio e que a atenção da pessoa seja toda sua. Talvez não conscientemente, mas na grande maioria dos relacionamentos é assim.  Marcadores: analyzing, blog, personal, relationships, vent dito por C. - 11:03 PM - 9 de set. de 2013 0 comments ---------- a brisa mais louca que eu já tive.  coração acelerando, sentido as sensações, mais intensamente que o normal, frio, frescor nos olhos.  Marcadores: blog, high breeze, personal dito por C. - 2:21 AM - 22 de jul. de 2013 0 comments ---------- And suddenly I know I'll never achieve any of my dreams, ever.  I'm in fucking tears and sometimes I rather be dead than living this fucking life! Marcadores: FML, life, personal, vent dito por C. - 12:45 AM - 12 de jul. de 2013 0 comments ----------