So I had my first 15 day vacation period. I didn't have many plans besides going to Europe. Nini darling invited me to stay at her place, and I did. She's the best person ever and I had the best days ever.
Then I headed to Stockholm and what happened next is something I never expected to happen. I met a guy, let's call him Nordic God; I've seen him online for months, back in May, and thought he was THE guy. From time to time I saw his profile and used to check it. A few weeks ago I did it again because he changed his picture, a notification came and I didn't recognized him. My friend's read his profile and we talked about it. Then one of these friends asked me to show the profile to another friend, I did and my friend didn't get some of his jokes. Ok.
When I got in London my friend said I should message him, my answer? "Obviously no, he's way out of my league", she insisted, I denied. Before embark to Stockholm I decided to write and pressed send. He wrote back! Then invited me over and the rest is history. This guy is seriously the most handsome guy and probably one of the most intelligent I've ever met.
One of the reasons that I'd never take off, for many many many reasons. He's super sweet but also super, hm, let'd call it non monogamous and that could never work with me, being very territorial and all, besides I'm still pretty sure I'm not his type.
Came home. Downers came too. Everybody said I should be okay since my other 15 days are coming soon, but it isn't just the vacations, it's the life I want to have and that never comes, no matter how hard I work and try, so I decided to give up on this idea - because I pretend I don't care, that I'm okay with things the way they are - there is no future, no relationship, no space for the dream life for me. Today it was the thoughest day, I felt very discouraged and sad about everything. It started with a crazy dream I had this night and messed me up; and it's going to be written in Portuguese because I'm not in the mood to translate it:
"Eu tive um sonho tão escroto e acordei mal pra caralho. Era tipo um clipe da música de Home do Edward Sharpe. Aí eu tava num lugar, que parecia uma loja numa estação de trem cozinhando, aí chegava minha mãe e a gente começava a procurar louça pra uma segunda pessoa. Aí aparecia o Jorge Narvaez, que foi o motivo de eu conhecer a música (ele fez um cover). Aí eu virava a mulher dele com quem ele voltou e tava começando o casamento deles, e apesar de eu estar vendo tudo pelos olhos dela, eu não era ela. Ela tava chorando e eu acordei mal. Olha as ideia."
So people might not believe in astrology but the subway horoscope for my sign couldn't be more accurate than it was today. I can't find it but it said something like that: the situation at work could be difficult. You might feel discouraged but but an opportunity might come. With the support of loved ones. You should take the ideas you have and work on it."
Marcadores: blog, dreams, life, love life, personal, venting